Alright. At this point I’ve drafted a couple of different posts on this plane. And this might be one more – but I’m not sure yet where this will go. I’ve told myself that I would keep a journal everyday, but so far I’ve been terrible at that and have only been writing while I’m on planes.
I’m hoping that once I get to Europe I’ll be able to get into a routine and I’ll figure out how often I’m actually posting. My Mental Musings are the posts that are most like a journal – so there is no right answer for this. And just because I post something doesn’t mean that it has to be deep. It could just be like this – where it’s more me figuring things out. And honestly – if you don’t like it, don’t read it.
Overall though, I’m so excited for this next leg of my trip. I know that technically I started this all with Canada. But there is a huge part of me that feels as though it’s only just now beginning. And it may not even feel fully like it’s begun until after I leave Ronja’s. We will just have to see.
I’m excited and nervous and so so happy to finally be moving forward with this. I have a great support system behind me who is incredible happy to see me living this dream out – even as it takes me away from them and throws them into their own minefield of feelings and thoughts.
While I haven’t lived at home in 15 years (beside very brief stints between big changes), there’s always been a plan, an end date, and a specific purpose. The purpose this time is to just live my life. To get out there and experience. That’s quite a bit different than my adventures in the past that had an end date and typically were for work or vacation. I’ve also always been just a flight away – and while that technically hasn’t changed, it’s not quite a near as a 6 hour flight or a 9 hour drive was.
It’s tough to know that my decision is causing others panic. It’s tough to realize that a dream of mine is causing others to consider their nightmares. It’s something that is outside of my control though and that’s one of the harder things to realize – that there isn’t really anything that I can do. All I can do is talk to them about things, and try to make concenssions to their concerns. I can’t stop my dreams, I’ve done that enough to myself, but I can meet them with understanding as much as I can. And try to keep the frustrations to a limit. Communication is the key to all relationships – whether that be familial, friendship, or romantic. If you can’t communicate your boundaries, needs, and wants – then the relationship will suffer. So I will continue to communicate what I can with those in my life. Besides – updates, calls, texts – we live in a time where staying in touch is possible even on the other side of the world. When I lived in London in 2013, it was possible to stay in touch – but it was still pretty spotty overall (I remember having to email text messages since I didn’t have international texting or an early iPhone).
So as I prepare to head to bed on this plane, I’m taking the time to breathe, to remind myself that this is my dream and everyone who is important to me is excited and supportive – even when they have their own reservations. I can’t limit myself to try and make others feel better, that will just end up making me resent those involved which is the last thing any of us want. All I can do is live my life to it’s fullest, whatever that may look like and do my best to include those I love in it.
