It’s begun.
It’s crazy to think about but my adventure is finally getting off the ground. I finished packing late last night, then spent some time with my family watching TV (and I totally stayed up later than I should’ve just so that I could finish the last season of Ted Lasso before I headed out and got distracted. I know myself well enough to know that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t finish it any time soon – and I really wanted to finish it).
After far too little sleep, and before I could blink, I was at the airport boarding a plan to head to Canada where I’m so excited to spend a long weekend in Calgary, visiting one of my best friends. Crazy to think that I’ve known Tiffany for over 12 years now, it seems like it’s only been a year or two since we were wandering around England together. It’s going to be so good to see her in person. We haven’t seen each other since 2019 before the world paused. I’ve been to Canada over the years, but this will be my first time in Alberta – I’m looking forward to seeing the beautiful sights.
It’s surreal honestly that I’m finally on the trip that I’ve been looking forward to for so long. I’ve wanted to travel long term for so much longer than the couple months since I left my job. So to be here, in this position, rather than just reading about others doing it is throwing me for a loop. Honestly – I don’t think that it’s actually sunk in yet. Not sure it will until I’m in Europe, though I do actually hope that it’ll sink in when I get to Canada. Being realistic, it probably won’t really hit me until after the Redhead Days festival in Tilburg, Netherlands. Up until that point, I have things mostly planned and I’ll be seeing friends for the majority of the time up until the festival – after Tilburg, there’s nothing. I’m throwing up my hands and letting the wind take me where it pleases. (much to my parent’s nerves haha).
I have so many mixed feelings about it all. On the one hand – I’m so excited to be out here. To finally be moving forward with my plans. To get to do what I’ve longed to for so long. On the other hand – I know I’m going to miss my family and friends. Throw in the fact that the last couple of months, despite everything, still felt distinctly vacationy. Obviously, they’re not – it’s more like being retired. But it can take a long time to really come to terms with not having work anymore after so many years of being all in. Plus it’s not like I was completely stationary the entire time. I visited friends and family, worked on getting my blog up and running, went to find various things I would need for the trip (like a backpack, which is arguably one of the most important things for a backpacking trip), and so much more. Though admittedly, I also lazed around, read, slept in, and just enjoyed a time of no major responsibilities. And if I’m being honest – I did so way more than I had planned. There’s a reason why my blog didn’t go live until after I left for Europe after all. When I actually sat down and put my all into it, it took me 2 days to get it up and running since I have a lot of experience with websites, and yet… I technically started it 3 months ago.
The days upon days of relaxation, of being able to sleep in everyday, go to bed whenever I want, read all day and overall do nothing is all coming to the end now. Everything is on my shoulders while I’m traveling. There’s no one else to make decisions, pay, carry my things, get/make food, etc. there is only me. That’s not to say that I won’t give myself slow days, rest days, days where all I do is sleep in and then hang out in the hostel all day rather than explore – I know from my past travels that those days are just as important as the days where I’m up early and exploring a place until dark. But there is a difference between what I’ve done in the past and what I’m doing now. For starters – there’s no plan ahead of time – not even what cities I’ll be visiting. I have to make every decision, pay for it all, trust in my own abilities and choices. I have to decide if I want to see more of one place or see many places. If I want to stay in a hostel or give myself a rest in a hotel. If I want to join a group for a bit or only stay on my own. And there will be no one to blame but myself in how any of this will turn out – and that’s both a scary and freeing feeling.
So here I am, sitting on a plane on my way to Calgary after two layovers, two delays, and over 12 hours of traveling to save a bit of a buck. Ready to start my adventure. Wondering what it will actually have in store for me, and wondering what I’ll learn about the world and myself as I move forward. It’s nerve-wracking, it’s scary, it’s freeing, and it’s all mine. I can’t wait.
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can….I know I will.
