One thing that I get asked from people back home pretty often is “Aren’t you lonely?”

The short answer to that is – no.

The long answer is:

Solo traveling isn’t about traveling with people, it’s about traveling with yourself. Sure you might meet up with friends, meet new people, etc. But when you are solo traveling, the main constant is you. It doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re doing, you are hanging with yourself.

Can this be difficult? Of course. I don’t know that I’ve ever met a long term solo traveler that hasn’t had those moments where they don’t want to be with only their own company. It can be difficult to leave everyone and everything you know behind to live your dream. And it’s okay to admit that you’re struggling at times. The movie True Spirit on Netflix has a great scene that addresses just those feelings. It’s based on a true story, and I highly suggest the movie!

But it’s not all the time.

The thing about solo traveling is you get to know your own mind. You’re the only one in control of anything. You have to make the decisions every moment, not just occasionally. There are a lot of long walks around the city/beach/etc. where it’s just you as you look around at everything. There can be hours or even days where you don’t speak to anyone past a casual greeting. You learn a lot about yourself and you learn a lot about what you want to do and who you want to be. You relax and live in the moment. You can be someone new in every place you visit. You can tell people as much or as little about yourself as you feel like at that moment. 

Unless you are temporarily traveling with others, then whenever you’re in transport, it’s just you. When you go out to eat, you get really used to saying it’s just one person and you sit and people watch. And even if you do go out to eat with someone you’ve met and have the greatest conversation of your life, there’s a high chance you never see that person again let alone exchange contact information with them. They were a blip in your life, and you were a blip in theirs. Sometimes that blip was just a fun night, and sometimes they were a blip that changed the course of your future or maybe you were theirs.

And yes – that can seem lonely from the outside and yes there can be times where there is a heightened desire to connect with people. But overall, it’s not lonely to me, it’s just different. 

Instead it gives you a greater sense of self.

• You get comfortable shopping alone
• You get comfortable eating alone, no longer thinking about if people are watching you sit by yourself in a restaurant – because you just don’t care what they think
• You figure out a lot about what means the most to you
• You figure out who you want to connect with the most
• You figure out who in your life will take the time to reach out to you and who is a more ‘out of sight out of mind’ friend
• You find things to pass the time that can bring you back to hobbies you’ve neglected
• You learn to connect with the moment

Sure – sometimes you can spend a stupid amount of time wasting time when you’re in a funk, but that can happen no matter where you are.

Solo travel is different for everyone – even when it looks similar. What works for me isn’t going to work for someone else. I’ve met solo travelers that do get lonely if they aren’t in the middle of a group of people where they can connect with people. These are typically those that get energy from just being around others. I’ve also met solo travelers that maybe connect with others once every other month, even locals. They go for the places and scenery not for the people.

I’m somewhere in the middle. I like to talk to people, but I also really enjoy my own company. I can spend days only exchanging casual greetings and not feel disconnected but then there will be times when all I want to do is spend time talking with people. I like casual conversations that may naturally grow into friendships but don’t have to. I like that I don’t exchange information with everyone I meet but instead only with those people that I connect with more. I like standing at a crosswalk waiting to cross and having a conversation with someone about how she was going to get car paint for her nieces to decorate her car with after seeing a car that was covered, then wishing each other a great day as we separate right after.

So am I lonely? No, I’m not. I’m thriving, I’m me, and I’m reconnecting with parts of myself I haven’t let myself be in a long while. Honestly, I was lonelier when I was living in Virginia than I have been living on the road. 

And when I am lonely? I go and talk to people. I reach out to friends or family. I make plans to meet up with people I’ve met before. I make an effort to find the connections that I need at that moment.

Solo travel is only as lonely as you let it be.